I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
