Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
