i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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