So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
