I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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