literally had 100 drinks last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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