This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
