Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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