its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
