You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
