If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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