Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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