i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
