I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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