i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
