Is it because I queefed?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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