you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
