I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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