Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
