Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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