There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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