My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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