he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
