Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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