i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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