it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
