Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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