I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't think brook has ever known best
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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