When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
