Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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