i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
how drunk are you?
Several
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
