I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
