I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
