Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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