Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
