i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
