So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
