I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
