She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
