We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
