remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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