**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
