I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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