apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
