Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
