he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
