I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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