How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
