dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
