I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
