apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
