Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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