i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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