Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
